The Noble Art Of The Thread-Jack
Friends, as you well know by now I am something of a veteran of the messageboard, an artisan of bulletin boards, a messiah of forums. To that end I have seen it all when it comes to abuse, spam, flaming, trolling, hotlinking, avatar-theft and every other fabricated internet crime one can imagine.
For some time, however, I have been amused at the notion of the leftfield thread-jack.
For those ignorant a thread jack follows this pattern – a new topic is started with a particular subject, this is debated and discussed (or, more commonly spammed with fucking smileys) for a couple of pages before one poster happens to mention a different subject in passing and lo the thread is derailed. More often than not this is a happy fact of existence in forum life and usually causes no end of pleasant feeling among the masses. However, sometimes irate users (is there such a thing as a user who is not irate?) will deliberately take a thread off topic, and this is referred to as a thread-jack.
This issue I have with this form of forum piracy is simple – it lacks elegance, eloquence and is frequently merely someone who has an axe to grind and a singluar subject to bang on about all the damn time.
I, on the other hand, am reintroducing the skill, the panache, the flamboyance to the performance that is thread-jacking. A noble thread-jack is a ballet of words, a symphony of confusion and when executed with care, preparation and wit, a celebration of the ethereal media we all know and love.
Ladies and gentlemen I introduce you to my two opening acts :
“The National Treasure Gambit”
This reminds me of Denise Richards in the role of Dr. Christmas Jones from the Bond film The World Is Not Enough. There’s also a young sidekick who plays the role of tech wizard, able to tap into video surveillance lines at will, and fool the guards into thinking they are watching real time when they are really watching taped playback, etc. We’ve seen it all before.
Sean Bean, once again, plays the main bad guy. Has this talented actor ever played anything else? I’m getting tired of him playing the same role over and over again – the team player who goes bad. Witness similar roles in The Lord of the Rings, in the Bond film Goldeneye, and in Patriot Games.
The film falls apart due to the enormous number of times that you will hear yourself say “How convenient.” Time and time again, we are asked to believe that the good guys won’t get caught, since the bad guys have lost their trail. Wrong.
The only redeeming quality about this lightweight fare is that it may spark an interest in history among some, due to its many historical references.
Would I see it again? Not willingly.
“The Agricultural Manuever”
I am struck by the similarity between the agricultural significance of this time of year and the careers for all “50-somethings,” which would include the largest single age group of AAPG members.
September for those in the Northern hemisphere (or in Rio Linda) is harvest time; you finally get to reap what you have sown and nurtured during the spring and summer. So for 50-somethings, at this stage of our careers we have geologists younger than us — and if we still have bosses, they actually depend on us. We initiate projects and manage people. Our decisions influence others in our companies.
In agriculture, harvest is no time to rest but rather a time to maximize opportunities. Similarly, now is the time in both my profession as a petroleum geologist and as president of AAPG that all these years of preparation can really bear fruit.
All you 50-somethings thinking about early retirement, come join us in active service to your profession.
As you will note having read these two acts, there is little of offense in either (except maybe Denise Richards) however both are worded in such a fashion as to engage any thread covering any subject head on with a diverting piece of discussion.
The aim here is not to kill a thread stone dead in its tracks, nor is it to arouse suspicion, flames or anger from the gathered masses. Its aim is simply to provoke conversation and debate – the ideal being where a thread is successfully “jacked” with no real effort made in the attempt.
Naturally, you know me well enough to realise that this is not merely some theory I have concocted, moreover I have put it into practise 3 times so far – yes, this too will be ongoing.
Of the three, two turned out to be internet tech forums (I honestly thought the name “Textpattern” had something to do with textiles) which are not ideal targets as they tend to have super-efficient and super-draconian moderating demons, as you will see below.
So, in reverse order of success :
TextPattern, a forum for some unheard of bedroom coding venture CMS thing or something. An out and out failure. I employed the Agricultural Maneuver and it was unceremoniously ganked by the moderating team. Fascists.
Possibly offering more success is Joomla!, a forum for some unheard of bedroom coding venture CMS thing or something. While not the unmitigated failure of the Textile effort, the National Treaure Gambit is still there – begging to be replied to, it has yet to draw a response, and that’s not ideal. However, watch this space.
Most successful so far, and a more traditional response to an artistic thread-jack is on the Webtender Forums, a community for unrepentent alcoholics. I quote the response so far :
“you what? am i missing something?“.
I thank you! You could have just ignored it but you chose not to, better yet will be if someone decides to try and work out what the National Treasure Gambit actually has to do with the thread in question and carry on the debate. I’ve seen it happen and it is a thing of beauty.
There will be more to come.
Sometimes people ask me “why?” To which the response is obvious.
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