I should first point out that I don’t have anything against mobile phone companies, far from it, I applaud the tenacity with which they’re getting filthy stinking rich off an industry that didn’t exist 15 years ago. This time around I’m looking to hook up my ever growing children with their first phones.

If you know me already, you’ll know that my particular children are in fact triplets. Which means that the phone company “Three” should have a special deal just for me, right?

Dear Three

It might be worth your while directing this particular mail to your sales, PR and marketing teams as this isn’t a complaint or customer service query, but may cause you to smile somewhat so read on by all means.

Folks, I’ve not really got much background in being an opportunist so if I come across as a serial blagger you have my sincere apologies as it’s simply not the case. I’m writing to you today because I’m in the market for three pay as you go mobile phones.

The ruse is pretty quickly apparent – I’m after three phones and you’re called Three, that’s pretty good, but wait that’s not all. Ask yourselves why it is I could possibly require three phones… yes, that’s right I have triplets who have hit the age where it’ll actually be useful (rather than simply a plaything) for them to have their own phones. They’re turning 12 this week, and frankly anything you could do for me would be very warmly welcomed.

Okay enough about me, what can I do for you? Well, how about three brand advocates who will tell all their friends how cool you guys are? Catch em while they’re young, can’t be a bad move, right? They’d also be available and keen for any PR or marketing hi-jinx you felt was appropriate. At this point I should highlight the only glitch in this particular matrix – they’re non identical triplets, but that just means broader appeal with two boys and a girl!

I’m not hankering for anything particularly spectacular (although I wouldn’t turn spectacular down, obviously) but if you could make me a rather fabulous deal on three basic phones with a reasonably priced text/phone tariff I’d be most pleased.

Thanks for your time, you have a good day.

Sam

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