What happened to the future?
Could be that I am simply getting old. Actually, I’m definitely getting old but that’s beside the point my argument is still pretty solid – what the hell happened to the future?
I’m not entirely sure why but since the turn of the millennium, those in the technological progress industries seem to have rested on their laurels and refused to make any headway on the kind of science fiction goodness that is very much possible. I have come to this realisation for several reasons, however the most fundamental is the plans to build a “high speed” rail link between our nation’s glorious cess pit of a capital and some place in The North, a rail link that once complete will allow train travel of 200 miles per hour or more! You know, pretty much as fast as the bullet train – something that was put into service 20 years ago.
What this “high speed” rail link will not be is in fact a maglev service – something that is considerably more efficient and significantly faster and was first put into service as an airport link for Birmingham airport (of all places) in the 1980s. No, this is in fact the same tech that’s been around in various guises for getting on for 200 years, despite there being cooler, faster, more future looking alternatives. The best bit? It’s only going to take 10 years to build – which is < href=http://www.spartacus.schoolnet.co.uk/ITlondon.htm>twice as long as it took to build the original line. Yay. Progress.
It was nothing but lies.
This absence of the future is the tip of the iceberg. Obviously I have to mention flying cars in an article such as this, because everyone always does. With good reason. They exist and have done for a very long time, so first off, where are they, and secondly, when can I have one?
This “when can I have one” sentiment is at the heart of my annoyance. I, like I’m sure many of you, would far rather be using the kit that we’ve seen Messers Kirk, Kenobi and Cruise use on the silver screen than the Neolithic junk that is put out by various companies claiming to be futuristic. First, because it looked cool in the movies, second because we already know it’s possible but some asshole somewhere is working on an iteration of something his grandfather used rather than something that would actually lead to some progress.
Cathode ray TV lead to High Definition TV and now 3D TV. 3D? Are you fucking kidding me? That’s supposed too light me up is it? Wearing a set of dorky looking plastic glasses over the top of my regular glasses to watch some headache inducing entertainment on my second televisual “upgrade” in 3 years is supposed to get me turned on and imagining I’m from The Future? In all the movie cases I’ve seen so far 3D has actually made the film worse. Don’t believe me? Try watching James Cameron’s glossy, florid retelling dances with aliens, Avatar on DVD in 2D, it’s better than you remember.
Future bog wash victims.
I want holographic TV dammit. I want to be able to actually immerse myself in entertainment without needing a screen instead using some kind of linked emitter system. Don’t tell me it doesn’t work, I’ve seen it working 20 years ago, now take your hyper-realistic, jumping out of the screen versions of Always Ultra adverts and don’t come back until you’ve got something worthwhile.
Those who know me may sense a little bit of biting the hand that feeds here, but my disappointment spreads far beyond my Japanese overlords. Here, to avoid banging on at length are a few pieces of technological development :
The iPad. Yes, it’s very lovely, but it is just a big iPhone isn’t it?
Microsoft Kinect. Almost like Minority Report but less accurate than the Wii.
The replacement for the 30 year old space shuttle will be another space shuttle. Why not just build the space elevator already? (Apologies for citing Wikipedia).
Forget tooth whitening or other cosmetic horseplay, I read 5 years ago about scientists being able to grow new teeth, so where do I sign up?
When will I be able to get cybernetic implants instead of lame-looking gargoyle wear? Have you seen Blu-tooth earpieces? They look retarded; I’ve got headphones with more subtlety. Why can’t I get a decent mobile signal anywhere, yet alone everywhere? Why are none of the three houses I reside in on a regular basis in a cabled area yet? Why can’t I have a USB port fitted to my brain yet? Why am I not simply learning stuff by plugging it in and tapping into the 90% of my brain I’m not yet using?
Fundamentally, science, what the hell are you waiting for?
The large hadron collider seems to be banging some atoms into each other with gay abandon. Terrific. The French, meanwhile, and building a mini sun. Now that’s more like it. The French! The most work-life balanced society on the planet is building a fucking sun! Now that is progress. However, why haven’t we got hyper efficient solar panels, wind turbines, wave harnessing power generators and all manner of other goodies to fuel ourselves with? People have been working on it for a really long time, so it must be ready by now right?
I had some dude come to my house last year pitching solar panels for the roof and I said “I’m keen on the idea, I like the prospect of never having to pay another electricity bill” to which he informed me that solar panels don’t actually do that they simply provide a bit of hot water. I beg to differ. I had a calculator when I was 10, yes, 27 years ago, that was powered purely by the sun. Do you seriously expect me to believe that nobody has tried scaling that shit up a bit?
Why does my latest mobile phone’s battery run out faster than my old phone? It may come with all these great features, but if I want it to still have some charge in it beyond 8 hours after it’s been charging all night I can’t use them – GPS? Turn that off, it kills the battery. MP3 player? Uses up more power. Surf the web? You can’t get a connection, and if you could it’d kill your battery.
Smart phones my arse. They might be smart but they’re no longer bloody mobile as you have to keep the bastards plugged in.
Why hasn’t someone invented a new battery system? Or better yet build a phone that has a built in solar panel, kinetic charger, thermal charger and anything else you can think of.
My point, she is made. Why is everything that’s being released purporting to be futuristic actually just a rehash of yesterday’s tech? Why are none of the awesome breakthroughs that scientists have made actually making it to market? Why is it that the stuff that people are actually making sounds either like Skynet or the 1950s? What, as the title says, happened to the future?
No related posts.
