Drink!
The British government are, once again, bleating on about binge drinking and coming up with new and innovative means of stopping it.
By that I mean that they are intending to levy a minimum price per alcoholic unit for any drink sold. Will this work? Doubtful. But it is the latest in a series of attempts to rectify the symptom rather than the cause. At no point during any of the politicising of the British’s affinity with drinking vast quantities of alcohol has anyone stood up and given any kind of explanation as to why this relationship exists in the first place, and moreover why putting this economic prohibition into effect will make the symptoms worse, rather than better.
So, either I’m smarter than the people in charge which, let’s face it, is a distinct possibility, or I’m wrong, or the truth of the matter is going to be pretty unpopular.
Well, I’ve brought you this far, you’re on my textual hook and you’ll probably be unimpressed if I don’t give an inkling or two into my theory on this subject.
First off, let’s set some basics I doubt anyone will have opposition to : what are the good things about drinking? Obviously, the general sense of well-being coupled with the social circumstances in which much drinking is done is a pretty good reason for doing it to begin with, but beyond that you have lowered inhibitions, the definite tell-tale that you’re doing something fun and a lot of associations with Good Times to reinforce the positives. When pushed to excess, drinking also leads to war stories, mischief, adventure and carte blanche to go into maximum relax on the day following a large intake.
Naturally I’m glossing over the fairly significant negative wisdoms this path of excess may lead to, but nobody sets out on a drink fuelled evening with the potential bad news anywhere in mind so for the sake of this exercise said negatives simply do not exist.
From the Good Times list above I omitted one all important and key reason why people enjoy drinking. I left out the primary reason, the biggie, the lynchpin of my argument. Drinking is escapism.
It allows you to put aside the mundanity of day to day existence, it neatly compartmentalises those elements of your life that are “have to” and replaces them with something that is not only feel-good, social, endorphin-releasing and potentially exciting, but is also optional. You choose to do it, nobody forces you and for one brief hour or two you are master of your own destiny, and that destiny is entirely focused on numbing the pain of living in this country.
Yes, that is a little dramatic, but let’s evaluate.
Here is a brief list of things in this country which, as a resident, are shit :
- Constant heavy traffic
- Overcrowding
- Increased urbanisation
- High taxation
- Failing public services
- Unreliable public transport
- Bankers making millions, while millions are unemployed
- Politicians scamming millions
- Wars the majority did not sign up to
- Nuclear weapons we’ll never fire
- Reality TV
- The “constant threat of terrorism”
- A rapidly evolving police state
- Celebrity gossip
- Insolvency companies advertising on TV
- Religious division
- Scaremongering 24 hour news
- Personal debt
- Price comparison websites
- Mediocre weather that no matter what temperature brings everything to a halt
The list goes on. And on. And on.
There is a counter list of positives, don’t get me wrong, but when it comes down to it we never get the chance to appreciate the positives because for the most part the list of joy above is pushed in our faces, inescapable and for that reason we’re all hunting for diversions, escapisms, distractions, fundamentally for some kind of anaesthetic.
Given the choice between going to work and having a good time, which would you choose? Instead of getting up early, fighting through traffic and people to an overcrowded office where you spend all day mustering the enthusiasm necessary for you to make profit for someone else before eating a poor lunch, doing more work, fighting traffic, people, picking up some quick food, getting back to a home that is costing you the majority of the money you just earned (after the tax man has withdrawn his fairly hefty take) wouldn’t you rather be having fun?
Instead of repeating the above scenario for 40 years before retiring, tired, broken and with less to show for it all than you’d hoped, wouldn’t you rather have done something else? Of course you would, but unfortunately that isn’t something that really falls into the realm of possible for many, so a series of quick fix solutions are applied along the way; drink, drugs, TV, gaming, sex – essentially a list of things more commonly found in a Biblical not-to-do list.
I often refer to the USA as a country that has lost its sense of humour, and while that may or may not be true, Britain is a country that has lost its nerve. We’re stopped from doing anything remotely dangerous, be it cliff diving, driving at high speed, smoking indoors, we’re told to wear crash helmets when we cycle, not to let children play outside, to fortify our homes, be ever mindful for the “constant threat of terrorism”, eat five portions of fruit a day, watch your calorie intake, exercise 5 times a week, no swimming, keep off the grass, no drinking in public places, take out a payday loan, pay back your credit cards, get a biometric passport.
TV is feeding us plenty to make matters worse from the constant overplaying of every possible event on news media to reality talent shows that tell us that anyone can be a millionaire if they can sing, or tapdance, or have a media-friendly disposition, or have a great idea for a new kind of ketchup, and we lap it up. We’re fed falsehoods and we live our lives out with those expectations drummed into us every day. Why work hard, when you could win the lottery? Why do something constructive when the millionaire lifestyle of a topless model will have you on the front of every magazine and newspaper in the country every single day?
We are being utterly controlled by The Man, is it any surprise that we’re looking for a life worth living a little more of?
Introducing a levy on alcohol will not lower the amount of alcohol consumed. It’ll make it increase, because it’s just one more thing to piss everyone off.
And for the record, I’m generally quite positive about life in general, and contrary to what our leaders would have us believe there’s nothing insane about getting wasted with your friends on a weekly basis. There’s nothing weird about staying up all night playing games, or chowing down on varying combinations of powders, potions and pills because when it comes down to it that’s what fun looks like.
The only insane bit is tolerating everything else.
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