Whatever happened with your office romance?
Clearly I need to be watching more commercial television, because I turn my back for a few months and the morons take over.
Naturally the programming itself on television these days is vapid enough to attract my ire almost without effort, but as is so often the case it is advertising that causes me the most pain. The latest culprit is the current commercial for red hot dating website “Zoosk“.
Before getting to the perplexity of the advert itself, first let us consider the level of hallucinogen required for anyone to think that the name Zoosk is a good one. Does it say “dating” to you? How about “casual bunk up opportunities”? What about “find romance here”? If it does suggest any of these things to you please let me know what you’ve been smoking. From my perspective it’s the name either of a newfangled eastern European energy drink (made from the tears of the Siberian jaguar mix liberally with caffeine, sugar and tartrazine) or it’s a new entry into the lucrative toilet cleaning market named specifically to out-do Cillit Bang : “HAVE YOU ZOOSKED YOUR UNDER-RIM STAINS TODAY?”
According to the real dictionary there’s no such word, however Urban Dictionary comes up with the goods defining a Zoosk Girl as follows :
Comes from the song Zoosk Girl by Flo Rida and T-Pain. A Zoosk girl refers to a girl spending a lot of time on the online dating website Zoosk in desperate attempts to find a man. Luckily, Flo Rida and T-Pain are cool guys, which means that they can get any Zoosk girls!
Something of a circular reference there. That sort of thing should cause the internet to bluescreen or something. To recap, Zoosk is Zoosk as frequented by Zoosk Girls, subsequently referenced by Messrs Rida and Pain in what I’m sure is a catchy ass piece of arr and bee.
All this aside, let us explore why it is the improbably named Zoosk is worthy of my attention. Please view the below.
It starts out nicely enough – “Hey, whatever happened with your office romance?” – an opener to many a conversation between girl pals I’m lead to believe. Then through the medium of flashback we are shown how this office romance has been going.
I’ll set the scene for you – although if you just watched the video, I’ll describe the scene you just saw – pleasant looking young lady accosts pleasant looking young gentlemen in the copier room at an office.
They are not subtle.
Various other members of staff pass judgement on the hasty hanky panky taking place in said copier room with comments ranging from “Nasty!” to “Aloha!” both of which we can assume a third party passed on to our protagonist, since she was otherwise engaged at the time so is unlikely to have heard these comments.
The delightful young couple then emerge from the copier room looking like they had a rare old time that was thoroughly enjoyed by both parties. A crowd of their co-workers is waiting, clearly envious they don’t get this kind of water-cooler moment in their own day.
Zip back to the present and our heroine drops the bombshell – “I think I’ll just stick with Zoosk for dating”.
What? Why?
What the hell is wrong with you woman? You’re clearly having a jolly good time with the chap at work – so much so you can’t keep your hands off one another even when surrounded by the dubious eroticism of stationery. This kind of passion too much for you? Not interested in having your very being set alight by this nice fella in the office on a more regular basis?
You do know you can see each other outside the office too right? I’ll admit that the “Aloha” dude is a little creepy, and that time you caught him having a none-too-sly pocket fumble when you and your beau emerged from a heated exchange in the server room was probably a little off-putting, but you don’t have to carry on jumping each other while in the office.
The location is not what defines an “office romance” rather it is the fact that the romance is being conducted between yourself and someone else from the same office. I understand the confusion, and maybe this will help put you on the right track.
Your flashback certainly did not imply that one of the doubtless all-female human resources staff was waiting for the pair of you with a written warning in hand, and the signals given off by Ms “Nasty” should not be taken at face value : she’s just bitter she didn’t get an invite. I mean, look at her closely, she’s wearing the classic dominatrix getup in day-wear fashion. Lose the glasses and undo the bun and she’s pretty much a Robert Palmer girl.
Perhaps I’ve got it all wrong. Perhaps Zoosk is intended only to those who want a sedate, uninspiring and Jane Austin style relationship – “Oh Mr Co-worker, how you do sweep me from my feet with your speak of toner outages, please tell me more as we takes a turn around the grounds.” Somehow I doubt this, as our leading lady gives the impression that she instigated the rough and ready behaviour up against the printer.
I am confused. This woman makes no sense, and what exactly is the message we’re supposed to get from Zoosk?
“Looking for a man who won’t drive you wild?”
“Excitement? No thanks. Come to Zoosk.”
“Never want to be impulsive? Zoosk yourself.”
“That guy who drives you wild? Zoosk off, you won’t find him here.”
I’m sure there are other uses for the word Zoosk. By all means add your own suggestions.
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